I love you, Makeup, but . . . .


I seriously have a love-hate relationship with makeup!  I think most women/men who wear makeup have similar feelings as mine.  Like most, I have long felt the expectation that women/men are supposed to be “presentable,” if not as beautiful as possible, when out in public.  This means having flawless skin at a minimum.  Many of us are not fortunate enough to have naturally perfect skin, particularly in middle school and high school when young women/men begin to feel the pressure to be pretty/handsome but of course, puberty arose and acne/pimples would get in the way of your life. So, most young women/men learn to cover their blemishes and dark circles with makeup. (Not a great idea to cover those up with makeup when it should have been left one. It gets worse while it’s caked with tons of makeup, haha!)

Anyway, for the reason I’m typing up this post is because it’s exactly what has been bothering me lately. Years ago, I barely wear some makeup for some social functions and just because. It’s mostly natural or the color of nudes. I was honestly pretty. Confident? No. I sorely lacked confidence due to my Deafness. I don’t blame it, no. I just basically wasn’t letting go of the fact I was socially awkward. I grew up signing ASL; knowing I’d never be fluent in it compared to people who are profoundly Deaf. They sign beautifully. I literally s..t..u..t..t..e…r with sign language. No joke. But that’s me. I have accepted the fact I couldn’t do it perfectly. Changed the path of confidence to something else.. My weight, my size.. my height. My weight has always fluctuated on and off since I was pregnant with my son. (He’s now 19) I have attempted various of diets. For some reason, the fat loves me. It just stays on my bones. I call myself thick. Lean. It’s actually lean in some places.. but, people see it differently. Doctors see it differently, of course.. You’re obese. I already knew that.. I tried my best to lose weight. I was literally bigger than I was now. I sworn off the sugar, caffeine and most of the fatty foods for past 3 years now. Did it help? Some. Do I exercise? Yes. I just didn’t want to overexert myself and die from that. I know some of you feel the same way. It’s one of my fears. I cannot afford a gym or a physical trainer.. so I’m doing the best I can do. Did my confidence grow? A bit more. It’s merely because my boyfriend of 11 years loves me for who I am. He accepts me for who I am and vice versa. I feel loved. Once again, I reverted the path of confidence to something else.. Guess what it is? Makeup!

Social Media has opened a big world for everyone. New opportunities for businesses and the people. It wasn’t like that before.. It was quiet, sheltered and innocent, huh? Anyway, once the Social Media has came out.. so many new things, trends, ideas, creativity, and stuff like that has came out and brought everyone basically out of their shells. It has given them a new purpose, a new life, a new meaning..  Makeup is one of them. I honestly didn’t care when it came to makeup at the beginning. Like when my mother was getting dressed and putting makeup on. I didn’t fathom to be interested. I wish I did. I might have more makeup now than I could imagine. I got more interested when people are showing their beautiful selves on Social Media. With So Much Confidence!!! I thought THAT was beautiful! I saw art. My eyes were in the clouds! I was thinking to myself, I want to be like them. I want to feel even more beautiful. To be more confident. I realized that this is my new passion. My new definition of self. My new meaning. My new identity. I started researching, exploring, and bought a few products. Got lucky a few times winning a couple of makeup giveaways. Looking at my collection and asking myself; is this enough? Is this supposed to be it? Looking at Social Media some more.. my jaw dropped. Everyone seems to have so MUCH makeup. Especially with professional makeup artists. Understandably so. I realized people have different skin tones & different preferences. I was honestly naive then; thinking it wasn’t a big deal. Just some mascara, eye shadow, and some lipstick then you’re set. No big deal. Boy, was I wrong there?! Looking at the beautiful photos of women and men, coming up with so many different looks with so many different brands that comes up with a variety of textures, colors, styles, etc. I was – mind-blown -! And of course, I wanted that too.

See what’s happening here? Peer pressure by the conformity of Social Media! Of course, it happens to you all.. without you even realizing it. I realized it after analyzing. Excuse me, OVER-analyzing everything about this! It’s like being a kid in a candy store. You want this. You want that. But duh, you want to be beautiful. Everyone does. It’s natural. You would often be told by your peers, your parents, your friends, etc.. that you’re already beautiful. You do not need makeup. It’s unnecessary. It’s a waste of time. It’s too expensive. It’s not worth it.

          “What they don’t understand is… WE want to FEEL beautiful. WE want to put effort with makeup on our faces to be beautiful; in an artistically way and do it different ways too.”

That’s merely the reason why I got into makeup. I began collecting … and no, it’s not enough, haha. I’m short on brushes, colorful pencils, eye shadows, lashes, etc. The list goes on. Another plus about makeup is the packaging. It makes the presence of your room so gorgeous! I’m easily pulled in when it comes to packaging.. the colors.. the designs.. Hell  yeah!

As you can see, I.. excuse me, we all have a love-hate relationship with makeup. But damn, I seriously love makeup (now)! I feel amazing when it’s plastered all over my face. Not as amazing when you try to remove it and look like a raccoon! I’m still learning on that one. The right makeup wipes, cleaners etc..  You get to learn something new everyday, truly. I do one day want to become a makeup artist. The one that already knows ASL. I basically would have 2 languages.. that’d look so cool on my resume.. eventually. I learn that it’ll be a struggle. It is! It’s a blessing too.






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